Now that we're less than 2 months away--did someobody say YIKES??!!--it's time to select a pediatrician. Though medical doctors can be stuffy, boring and generally unable to hold a conversation with living humans (with apologies to my buddy Dan and of course Dr. Phil), this is a time they have to sell themselves to you. They want you to like them and even allow you to--gasp!--interview them when considering if you'd like to sign on to send your baby to their practice. I guess they are thinking about getting a customer for the next 20 years or so. What a beautiful thing when a highly educated person with deep pockets has to bend over backwards to get you to want them!My wife had already visited two other practices prior to our visit to the Doc we ended up picking the other day, and after that fantastic visit, I really regret that. Not because I should be in on this important decision (I know I really should), but because I love to be wined and dined by someone who just might be a card carrying member of the wine and cheese crowd. How's that for brutal honesty.
The first 2 choices weren't looking so hot. The first was a large practice (good) that was just outside the Arctic Circle (bad). The second was a solo practice led by an older gentleman who seemed to bring the phrase "kick the bucket" to mind a little too quickly. Number 3, as they say, was the charm. I was completely unaware that these folks are selling themselves to you and absolutely loved the experience. The Doc we chose--I'll call him Dr. A--had all the right answers. Here are some bits from what he said to us:
"You'll never be put through to a machine and always a live person."
"We encourage breast feeding."
"We believe patients shouldn't have to wait long."
"If you come early, we'll take you early."
"I shop at Strosniders all the time." (for the uninitiated, that's my place of work)
"We separate sick and healthy babies."
"My dad had a flower shop for 30 years."
OK, that last one might have been irrelevant, but at least the guy knows a thing or two about customer service. After a great Q&A, came the icing on the cake. He offered us a GIFT. After thanking us for coming, he handed my wife a beautiful, educational book on babies. The how-to paperback was practically glowing and even came with a laminated bookmark. What a nice guy, I thought. He went out of his way to talk to us sincerely and even gave us a thank you gift for coming. I can't say I've every pulled out a thank you gift after having a conversation with someone in my office. We'll, I don't really have an office, but that's for another blog. We both thought Dr. A was ideal and his partner seemed fine, so we said we were signing on.
On the ride home, I was overjoyed. A pleasant conversation and a wonderful gift to boot! Then my wife dropped this bomb on me. "Everybody gets a gift. The other 2 offices gave me something too. He probably didn't even pay for it. Look, the book says, 'A gift for you from the makers of Similac Infant Formula.'" I felt like I'd blown the world's biggest bubble and my wife popped it, slapping a sticky, gooey mess all over my face.
Welcome to baby retail and commercialization, I thought. Being in the retail industry myself, I couldn't believe I was so gullible and my federal government employed wife had to set me straight. Then came the pièce de résistance as even the bookmark was tagged "Compliments of Similac."
I'll know better next time...
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